That's a good question...

let's noodle on that

“You wear your heart on your sleeve,” my mother said. “Don’t be an open book,” she reminded. I knew what she meant but I never understood why. Why not let people in on what I feel? Maybe I was an over sharer by some standards, but it’s not like I announced when I got my period. Classmates knew when I was joyous, they knew when I was hurting and most importantly, they knew why.

Somewhere in life I became more guarded. Too much so with some people. Recently I’ve asked do they really know me? Would I really say that? Does that actually sound like me?

My open book style also led me to be the person to ‘ask that question’; you know that elephant 🐘 in the room question or the ‘everyone is worried about’ question. On occasion I’ve been ordained the designee by the friends to be the one who asks it. I recall a friend going through a divorce replied to my question with, “I knew you were going to ask me that.” He followed up with being glad someone finally did. When my dad died I wanted to talk and talk about him. Too often we don’t ask about the cancer or talk about the deceased or the pain because we don’t want to remind the person—as if the issue isn’t already blanketing their brain. One of my friends often says, “Thanks for asking.” I’m integrating that into my repertoire.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Here’s a related thought: my ‘why’ for asking those questions. Some people are information gatherers. It’s not asked from sincere compassion or wanting to help process. It’s asked to gather data on people. You might know someone like that. Me? I ask in hopes of learning, understanding, processing what they’re experiencing—not to increase my files to pull up later. To me the difference lies with where the question comes from. Is it from ego and the mind or is it from a heart connection for understanding?

You likely believe it should have occurred to me years ago, but not everyone wants that question. Some people are the ‘guarded me’. Others just private. Not everyone wants to dive deep. I respect that. Others may not want it if they don’t really know me. They may have known me for decades, but that doesn’t mean, they know me. Hitting reset.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash